Grief, Loss, Sorrow & Suffering

By Noah Rubinstein, LMHC (he/him)

March 1, 2026 There is so much to grieve in this world. We grieve what we suffer and struggle with, our disappointments, and all the ways life has not worked out how we wanted it to.

We grieve the resistance we bump up against, the things in this life we cannot hold onto, our unmet needs, the pain passed down through generations, the relationships we lose, and our loved ones whom we have lost or will eventually lose. We grieve the fact that we really cannot control this life and that we, too, will eventually pass away.

Alongside this are the collective sorrows we witness in the world around us: social injustice, classism, racism, sexism, poverty, hunger, disease, war, violence, displacement, xenophobia, environmental destruction, and natural disasters, to name just a few.

As far back as we can look in history, it is clear that one constant and universal element of human life is suffering. Perhaps someday humans will evolve emotionally, biologically, and spiritually to such a degree that suffering will no longer exist. Until such a time, suffering remains an inescapable part of our reality.

But the real problem is not suffering itself, nor is it that we are powerless to force the world to be the way we want it to be. The deeper problem is that, despite these conditions, most of us never find acceptance, peace, or serenity.

What sustains our unhappiness can have many layers, but often it is quite simply that we need to grieve all the pain, all the losses, the disappointments, and the suffering we carry.

When we allow ourselves to mourn, there is an opportunity for soothing and for the suffering to lessen. By bringing loving-kindness and self-compassion to our grief, the sorrow feels held, cared for, and understood. It creates a safe place for us to cry it out, and in doing so, we actually feel better.

This is what people really mean when they speak of having a “good cry.” Yet many of us have never truly experienced one, nor can we imagine that crying might actually feel good. Instead, we fear that if we turn the valve of grief to the “on” position, we may never be able to shut it off and may make our suffering even worse.

So we avoid it. We bottle it up. We carry it with us, where it quietly festers and transforms into unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and anger. The good news is that there is a way to grieve without feeling worse.

With enough time, energy, and desire, we can find the place inside ourselves that embodies peace and acceptance, even in the presence of suffering. Suffering may never fully disappear from this world, but by grieving and caring for our hearts, we can transcend much of the pain we carry and reconnect with the place inside us that remains peaceful and steady, regardless of the conditions we face around us. Back to What I Help People With.