Struggling Against the World or Finding Peace Within

By Noah Rubinstein, LMHC (he/him)

March 1, 2026 During 2020, I found myself getting into political debates with strangers on social media. These “discussions” sometimes took hours of my time and, looking back, felt awful. Adding insult to injury, the time I spent arguing with strangers was about as productive as banging my head against a brick wall. None of my efforts to influence others had any meaningful effect. The only useful thing that came out of these arguments was that I eventually stepped back and took a hard look at myself.

I did not like what I saw. The version of me that the arguments provoked was not who I wanted to be or how I wanted to cope. I could see that I was afraid about the political state of our nation, the loss of decency, and the rising hatred and blame between groups of Americans. Some part of me was deeply afraid for my family’s safety and my children’s future.

Of course, I didn’t want to harbor this fear, and I knew that, for my own well-being, I needed to explore all of this in therapy to see what I could shift. Therapy helped me become aware that I was carrying what we call legacy burdens, or ancestral trauma. These are extreme feelings, sensations, and beliefs that are passed down through generations. As I became conscious of these legacy burdens, I could see that the persecution and antisemitism my ancestors endured were still living within me, held somewhere deep in my psyche. The part of me getting into heated debates with strangers on social media thought that by changing the minds of others, it might somehow help protect me and my family from ever experiencing the kind of mistreatment my ancestors had barely survived.

During that time in therapy, I had a profound realization: in so many aspects of my life, I’d been trying to change and control the external world, including others, so that I would feel safe. But I also very much knew that none of us has much control over the external world. Feeling stuck, I began to consider how to find peace in a world filled with uncertainty, pain, and suffering.

I also dove deep into the ancestral trauma to discover what it was and where it came from. It was mostly terrible grief and loss, mixed with traumatic dread and horrible fear. Some of it was mine, from my own life experience, but much of it was from elsewhere, from other times and places. After many weeks of witnessing, feeling, and holding space for these old feelings, I was able to release them, one by one.

After the old burdens were lifted, I soon reunited with a place deep within that I had been to before but had lost touch with. It is a place inside all of us that transcends suffering. When we are connected to this place, we feel deep in our bones that we are okay, no matter what may be occurring in our lives. By tapping into this place, we feel safe, confident, hopeful, trusting, and grateful, among other things.

The Choice

Each of us can continue waging a battle against the external world, trying to shape it and control it so that it meets our needs for safety. Or we can begin to acknowledge and accept that the world is largely uncontrollable. We may influence the people around us in small ways, but ultimately everything is being moved by forces far beyond our control.

The only thing we actually have some control over is ourselves. No matter what is happening around us or what others may be doing or saying, we can always turn inward and reconnect with the place within us that embodies peace. Paradoxically, we can only gain complete safety by releasing control.

The desire to find peace within ourselves is beautifully captured in the Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr, an influential American theologian, ethicist, and political activist of the mid-twentieth century: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference…”

The importance of finding peace within ourselves is also expressed in the powerful writings and speeches of Mahatma Gandhi. Gandhi believed that true and lasting change in the world begins with personal transformation. He famously said, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change,” and, “As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change toward him.”

I was so moved by the profound shift I experienced after releasing some of the ancestral trauma I had carried that I eventually wrote a song about it called Change Myself. Here are the lyrics: Change Myself Verse 1

Your social feed is filled with the righteous and the mad.

The Right saying this and the Left saying that.

Everyone’s blaming someone else,

Instead of soothing their own feelings they once felt.

Egos hurt, people afraid,

trying to get others to see it their way.

Pointing out sin till the end of time,

dehumanizing people they don’t like.

Pre Chorus

I’m going to let go of what people on this Earth say,

I think I finally found my way.

No longer need people to agree,

turning to the deep love where I am….. free

Chorus

I can keep trying to change everybody else,

or I can just change myself.

Verse 2

Many have lost sight of the goodness people have inside.

That we all mean well and come from the light.

Polarizing, extreme, raging, entitled and plain old mean. 

The virus of hate seems to multiply.

All of it makes me want,

all of it makes me want,

all of it makes me want to cry.

Pre Chorus

Going to let go of what people on this earth say.

I think I finally found my way.

No longer need people to agree,

turning to the deep love where I am….. free

Chorus

I can keep trying to change everybody else,

or I can just change myself. Bridge Cause there’s a place inside 

with everything you ever wanted,

which is just to feel good. 

And it’s shining bright! Chorus

I can keep trying to change everybody else,

or I can just change myself. ____________________________________ Back to What I Help People With.