What’s in the Way of Feeling Good?

By Noah Rubinstein, LMHC (he/him)

Updated March 1, 2026 One of the most important questions I can ask a person when they first begin therapy with me is, "What’s in the way of feeling good?" There are countless answers to this question, but all of them involve naming the behaviors, feelings, beliefs, sensations, or memories that constrict them from feeling okay. Often named are grief, loss, sadness, depression, self-doubt, self-criticism, jealousy, pessimism, judgment, irritability, anger, anxiety, numbing, distractions, compulsive behaviors, people-pleasing, attention-seeking, approval-seeking, and there are many others. Once a person has identified their goals for therapy, that is, which behaviors, feelings, beliefs, sensations, or memories they'd like to understand better and/or to transform, then the therapy journey begins in earnest. Embarking on this journey is provocative for many. We're an outward focused culture, and many are not used to focusing inside. They're not accustomed to slowing down, closing their eyes, and patiently, curiously listening, sensing, allowing, witnessing, and exploring their inner world of feelings, beliefs, insights, intuitions, and knowledge. Likewise, many are also unaware of their full potential, unaware of their own power and the powerful capacities they have within themselves to change. Within each of us is a vast world of meaning, and through knowing ourselves better, with curiosity and loving-kindness, we activate the potential within us to transform and become who we want to be. There Is Hope None of us were born with the things we struggle with, and although it takes time to change aspects of our personality and it can be difficult emotional work at times, I can tell you from personal experience it feels absolutely wonderful to release the burdens we carry and to return to feeling hopeful, optimistic, confident, loving, happy, joyful, playful, calm, and appreciative of the good things in life.

Regardless of what you have been through or how difficult things are in this moment, it is possible, with sufficient time, energy, and intention, to change, to heal, and to feel better. It takes time, it takes practice, and it often requires us to care for the suffering we have been carrying around for years.

Despite the external circumstances we face and all the suffering that circulates among humans, it is possible to find peace within. Deep within all of us is a place that already holds everything we have been seeking, which is just to feel good. It's a place inside, whether you have experienced it or not, that has the capacity for peace, calm, clarity, confidence, courage, compassion, connection, trust, and joy, among many other beautiful qualities.

The intention of my work is to help people reconnect and reunite with these qualities.

Changing Our Relationship to Suffering Reduces Suffering

Therapy cannot completely eliminate all suffering and pain from our lives. We’re human, and there will always be occasional ups and downs, along with moments of serious challenge. However, one of the gifts people often receive from therapy is a profound change in their relationship to suffering. Grief, loss, pain, disappointment, and other forms of suffering don’t necessarily disappear, but our capacity to meet our pain with loving-kindness grows and helps us to soothe and comfort ourselves and to become larger than the pain.

When we bring compassion, tenderness, trust, and hope to difficult life experiences, everything begins to feel more manageable.

Is this difficult to imagine or hard to believe? I'll tell you more on the next page.

Continue on to the next page: Everyone Has The Capacity to Feel Good.